


11:11

by WritingforTheAvengers



Category: Defenders, daredevil - Fandom, matt murdock - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Girls' Generation - Freeform, Kim taeyeon - Freeform, Light Angst, One Shot, SNSD - Freeform, it feels nice to write a one shot again, kim taeyeon song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 12:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16995384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingforTheAvengers/pseuds/WritingforTheAvengers
Summary: It’s 11:11, when there’s not much time of the day left, when we used to make wishes and laugh, everything reminds me of you. When this time passes, will this break up be over? Will I forget you





	11:11

It was not a special date. At least, it wasn’t a special date anymore. You had fought hard to make it just another day in your life, and it took you only three years and a couple of sleepless nights to accomplish the task. It had been such a long process, but it came as a surprise for you when the date arrived again and you did not shed a single tear. You had made it. You survived.

You arrived to your workplace after being stuck in a jam that you had not planned, and you had neither planned what happened while on that jam. Since you had a lot of spare time, you decided to check your mailbox. The 591 unread mails were getting you on your very last nerve.

Of course there weren’t many important things to read, the usual Book Depository offers and invitations to conferences that were way too far or too expensive (or both) for you to attend. You must’ve read about 30 mails when you encountered one you were most certainly expecting. It wasn’t very old, probably about a week old, but you couldn’t even remember seeing the notification. It read like this:

“ _(Y/N),_

_I have no idea how to start this, I don’t even know if I should or if you still keep this account. Part of me hopes you do, so you can see this, but another part of me hopes you don’t because I’m being pathetic after way too many years. Well, it might have been years for you, but for me it feels like only yesterday. It seems like it was only yesterday that I saw you leaving the apartment, and the mere thought of it breaks my heart over and over again._

_Our uncelebrated wedding date is coming up in a few days more, 11/11. I still remember it very well because we chose that thanks to a song that I still listen to. I know the song is about the hour, I know it now. And I know what the whole song is about. And it’s never hit me as hard as it does now, as it has for a while. When time passes… Will this breakup be over? Will I forget you? If you need an answer to both, no._

_When we first called things off, I knew I was to blame. I’m not an idiot, I fucked up—_ “

You couldn’t continue. The cars were stating to move and your vision became a bit blurry.

“Holy shit, someone’s chopping onions,” you growled out loud. It had no use, since no one would hear you, but you just had to get it out of your system.

You thanked yourself for having chosen a career that included a lot interaction and things to do, you were able to keep your mind busy with the extreme amount of work. You were so busy that you didn’t even have time to fake an excuse to your face.

“Hey, (Y/N),” your colleague, Claire, shook you out of your stupor. “What’s wrong with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I did… kind of,” you chuckled. “I just got a weird email today, that’s all,” you rubbed your face with your hands and sighed heavily. “Do you need anything?”

“Nah,” she shook her head, “but I needed to tell you something. It’s… our mutual friend,” you rolled your eyes in annoyance. “He’s been persistent that he wants to talk to you.”

“Claire, it’s been 3 years already—”

“And he doesn’t spend a day without thinking about you. (Y/N), he misses you. He’s miserable and he’s making everyone around him miserable too,” she looked at you severely.

“Well that’s on him,” you firmly said. “He cheated on me, and yes, he can be very sorry about it, but what about me? I was miserable too, and he didn’t even care to look back on me. Now tell me, who should you be sorry for?” Claire knew the answer to that, only she did not want to admit it. “Look, I don’t wanna play victim because I’m past that, but tell him I don’t want anything to do with him. I’m not ready to be civil with him.”

“Sorry,” Claire sighed and leaned on the chair’s back. “I already know all of this, and I’ve tried to tell him this, but you know how he gets,” she shrugged. “I won’t bring up this shit ever again, I swear… but I need to ask, who’s the ghost?”

“Who do you think?” You teased.

“Say no more,” she tapped her hands on the table and stood up. You didn’t see her again until very late.

You took your phone from your robe pocket, and decided to pour a sack of salt on an already open wound. He was already filling your thoughts, you could might as well suffer a little more.

_“When we called things off, I knew I was to blame. I’m not an idiot, I fucked up. I lost my way and then I couldn’t find it again because you were not there._

_I know I broke your trust, and I will never get it back, but you have to know, (Y/N), that I will always hate myself for that. You were the only person who loved me for who I truly am. With all my ups and downs. You loved me, and I did not deserve any of it. You loved me above the shitty past, the inability to see and my terrible sense of humor._

_It’s almost 11:11, and it’s almost 11/11, and as I am writing this, my heart misses you more than anything. I wish we could have a chance to talk, at least to hear your voice one last time._

_I love you, (Y/N). I always did, I’ve always done, and I’ll always will._

_Matt Murdock._ ”

You put your phone down, trying to quickly dry the stream of tears that ran freely from your eyes. Until earlier that day, you had been acceptably successful at living without him, but this changed the whole picture since it had been written just few days ago. You still missed him, there was no doubt, but you had a ridiculous amount of repressed feelings, and you didn’t know how to deal with them.

About a week later, and while you were living your own life again, growing into your routine as usual, you decided to make contact. You knew it was not a good idea. If anything, it was one of the dumbest things you had done since you had called things off, but it was too late to take your words back, because you had already pressed the number he wrote on the email.

In a matter of seconds, you heard his voice again.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Hey,” you sighed. “It’s me… (Y/N). I read your email the other day… Sorry I didn’t reply right away… or at all. How are you?”

“ _I’m… I’m fine, what about you?_ ” He was a terrible liar, and even on the phone you could tell that he was not fine.

That was the reason you cancelled the marriage in the first place. He came home one day and blurted out everything that had happened. He met her at Josie’s, his favorite bar, he was drunk and although he tried to say no, his lips were already glued to that woman. He didn’t even get her name, or at least he didn’t remember it. That didn’t really matter to you.

“Just a bit tired,” you exhaled sharply. “Look, I’m calling just to tell you that if you wanna meet up, I’m free tomorrow, and we could go to the coffee shop that’s near The Bulletin. Be there at 3, and please, don’t make me regret this,” you hung up and went straight to bed.

The next day, after breakfast and realizing what you had done last night, you started to get mentally ready for an encounter that you didn’t really want. At 3 sharp, Matt was waiting for you for that invitation for a longed coffee. You were shaking on the knees, and you hated that he had such developed senses because you knew he could feel and he was probably mocking you in his head.

“Hey,” you called out after a deep breath. He stood up and you both tried to kiss each other, but realized that you shouldn’t. “Sorry… some habits never die, I guess.”

“Don’t worry,” he chuckled softly. “I was about to do the same thing,” he looked good, or at least, just as your memory recalled. He was wearing a suit, one thing that you loved on him (apart from nothing at all). You could feel your own heart skipping a few beats, and you wondered if he could still hear them. You shook your head and sighed heavily. “What do you want? Still a latte?”

“Right,” you scoffed. “Until very recently, I realized that I do drink lattes most of the time, if not—”

“A cappuccino,” he cut you off. “Or perhaps some iced tea.”

“You clairvoyant,” you chuckled. “But a latte is fine today.”

A few minutes after, a waiter came in with a latte and two cinnamon buns. Matt apparently hadn’t forgotten how much you liked them. Or how much you liked lattes. Let alone your other go-to options.

“How’ve you been?” You asked. “How’s Foggy?”

“He’s fine,” he nodded, “and he told me to say hi. He doesn’t say it often, but I think he misses you.”

“I miss him too,” you admitted. “He was one hell of a drinking buddy. What about you? You haven’t answered.”

“I’m fine, I guess,” he shrugged casually. “I mean—I have a job that keeps me busy and I have a friend who also keeps me busy. And though we don’t get paid in real cash, I have just about everything I need. And you?”

“I’m doing better,” you smiled softly. “So… you wanted to talk about something. Spit it out, Matt.”

“I’ve been missing you a lot,” he shook his head. “I wanna say lately, but that doesn’t really sound good, and I wouldn’t even be honest. Truth is, I’ve been missing you since you left. I wish there was still us. I miss us—”

“Let me stop you right there,” you cleared your throat. “There’s been no us for… 3 years now? So, I’m very sorry, but that’s just not happening.”

“But—”

“Matt, nothing,” you shook your head. “You broke us.”

“Yet it was you who said we were done,” Matt chimed in.

“What was I supposed to say? That I forgave you?” You furrowed your brows. “I mean, I said we were done, but if you’d said that you wanted to fight for this, you can be well damn sure I would’ve stayed. But you didn’t, you didn’t come for me, and I’ve come to realize that it was the right thing to do for both of us. I suppose shit happens for a reason, and if you didn’t come for me that’s on you. But you cannot expect that I’m gonna feel the same way about you 3 years later.”

“I know and—”

“Matt, you have no idea what I’ve been through,” you huffed. “We had such a beautiful thing between us, and you fucked it up. Don’t blame it on me,” you sighed heavily and rubbed your temples. “Look, if you’d asked me, I would’ve put all that shit behind us and give our love one more try, but I thought you wanted things to be over so I didn’t fight. Do I regret it? Not really, or at least not anymore,” you shook your head. “Did I use to regret it? You can bet your ass I did.”

“I regret it. I’ve always regretted it, doesn’t it count?”

“3 years later? I don’t think so,” you sentenced. “I don’t even want an apology now… I think I just want you to leave me alone,” you shrugged. “It was a mistake coming here, I’m sorry,” you took a note from your wallet and left it on the table. “Coffee’s on me. Take care, Matthew, but don’t you ever call or write to me, please.”

You stood up and firmly walked away before you had the chance to regret it. You had officially moved on.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired in the beautiful song 11:11 by TAEYEON.


End file.
